I’m sitting in my sewing room watching a pair of giant birds soaring around a blue sky, still reeling from the events of yesterday. It wasn’t a tragedy but it was wall to wall crazy from morning til night.
I was sitting in this same spot two days ago. I was contemplating how well I had done at getting meals on the table all week, I was feeling a bit like a rock star. People should be screaming my name as I pass by. Oh wait, they do that already, only they think I’m their mother. I opened my calendar to see what I had on that day and my bubble was burst. It was only Monday. Just what meals did I think I had created so far? I do not know.
When I laid eyes on Abigail I realized something was not ok. She was covered from head to toe in hives and her little face was swollen not quite beyond recognition but definitely enough to make you jump. I spent the day giving antihistamines, going to doctors appointments and discovering that she had hives due to an unknown allergen that is silently lurking in our house or yard. I realize this was the day before the crazy day but it relates.
Later that night, way later, after several doses of antihistamine and worsening hives I decided to take her to the emergency room just to be sure she wasn’t going to stop breathing in the night. They gave steroids, advised continuing antihistamines and gave a prescription for an epi pen just in case. I got home and fell into bed sometime around midnight.
Morning came way too quickly for my liking but there was much to do. I had plans. The first thing to overset these plans was the wet bed of one child whose pull-up had leaked. Laundry pushed down the line to accommodate emergency sheet washing. Breakfast, shower, try to find bathing suit (don’t ask) and try to find position in which it makes me look like a supermodel (involves everyone in a 2 mile radius having their eyes closed unfortunately), 15 minutes of concentrated effort tidying in one room, go downstairs to find rest of house trashed by 2 year old in my absence.
Get ready to leave the house to run errands, can’t find dog. Did I mention we got a dog? We did, she’s a 9 month old shih poo (please for your own safety do not try to say that fast if you are anywhere near a swear jar). Her name is Pepper and she is adorable. She is also having her period right now. Anyway, she was lost, couldn’t find her anywhere. We searched the house from top to bottom and back again. We went outside and called her name like maniacs. I yelled at the kids for leaving doors open and even brought mosquitos into the rant. I imagined her gallivanting around the neighborhood becoming impregnated by any mangy mutt she could lay her paws on.
Finally Kaitlyn found her locked in the master bedroom which is currently being occupied by James’ dad (a long story). Much later in the day he came home to find a special “gift” from Pepper. I don’t know where she hid it because I did actually check the room to make sure any such “gift” had not been gifted. Poor little thing had followed me in there on my bathing suit mission and got stuck.
So we finally get to the car. The kids were saying something about a smell but smells are nothing out of the ordinary around here. I made it to the car and was nearly knocked on my butt by the smell of death emanating from my beautiful car. It was then that I heard “oh, yeah, I kind of left my egg in there”. Firstly, they are not supposed to eat in my chariot and secondly, an egg? What the heck? Gloves, paper towels, plastic bag and lots of disinfecting spray later I had it cleaned up but man rotten eggs have serious hang time!
Finally we were on our way. We made it to the pharmacy to pick up the prescriptions from last night, managed to divert the cries for a “selsa” balloon (Frozen) but unfortunately my back was turned when little miss long arms got hold of two stuffed My Little Pony dolls. I let her hold them while I finished my transaction and then I told the other kids to get ready. I wrenched them from her vice like grip, put them back with their friends and gave the command. Run girls! To the door! I pushed the cart and I’m quite sure I created a Doppler effect with the screams as we went.
Next stop, supermarket. It was a quick visit, just the normal hi jinks there. Got home in time for lunch and I made this green salsa, which we all decided we could just sit and eat with a spoon.
Next up was a visit to the skating rink to find out why Emily had not been responding to texts all day. She had left the phone in James’ car, which was why her GPS locator told me she was currently in a pond. James’ car was not in a pond but apparently her phone thought it was. While I went into the rink I left the other kids in the car (with it running and the air con on). They listened to music while I was gone and were angelic in their countenance and still buckled into their seats when I got back. Well, not quite. They were listening to music. One of them informed me that she had succumbed to an overwhelming desire to pee. Never mind that there was a bathroom just steps away. I had her strip off and since I had nothing for her to slip into she rode butt naked in her sister’s booster seat rolling down the window the whole way home. I drove carefully so as not to attract the attention of any law enforcement officers. Can you imagine explaining that?
When we got home I discovered that not only had unauthorized peeing been happening but also chewing gum had been found and consumed. Also it had been stuck in great strands to the windows, inside and out. I never did find out why that was.
I thought I was in the home stretch now, just dinner to prep and James would be home and then kids would go to bed and all would be well with the world. No, that was not to be. When we got home it was discovered that Pepper had a problem, she needed to poop (again apparently) but it was all stuck to her furry butt and causing her much discomfit. More gloves, wipes, scissors and tail holding. She was all cleaned up but still wasn’t quite herself. Still, I needed to feed the hungry masses and it was already getting late. I disinfected myself and made stuffed summer squash for dinner.
James came home to drop Emily and then had to go back to work. I sat with the girls at dinner time and was asked in a voice full of awe and a touch of disbelief “Mummy, were you born in 19 something?” This question was quickly followed by more along the lines of what telephones looked like and how we survived without cellphones and the internet.
Next, bedtime for the kids and then another look at the dog who still hadn’t perked up. I searched the internet (how would I have coped in the olden days?) and found that dogs have anal glands. They didn’t have these when I was a kid. I discovered that it was now my job to “milk” these little glands of doom. More gloves, full on bath for the dog and a good spray down with disinfectant for myself.
Finally bedtime for me but still no James. I had a restless night because there was no James although I did share my bed with a clean dog, an Emily, a stuffed panda, stuffed cat and stuffed dog.
I was woken this morning by a surprisingly cheerful James. He had finally made it home after working all night. He was carrying a freshly made coffee for me. What a guy!