Monday, January 9, 2017

Conversations From The Backseat

I spend a lot of time driving from place to place as the mother of four active offspring.  My car is not usually a quiet place but it can certainly be entertaining.  Here are some completely unedited excerpts of conversations I have either had or overheard while driving. I really hope you don't have a mouth full of liquid as you read this.  If you do choose to drink and read I can assume no responsibility for what may happen.

Hey, Mummy and Daddy, this is how you shake it.  

What is it?

A pen.

Hey mama, its actually not illegal to own a flamethrower.

Mummy, Kaitlyn is putting on too much Paris Armour and its clashing with my Pink Chiffon and when it does that it makes me smell like a BBQ. 

Mama, you need to make me one of those dentist appointments really quick.  


Because I lost my tooth and now there’s a gap and I want to show the dentist.  I think she’ll be really happy about it.

Mama, does thumb rhyme?

With what?


Do you want to know what thumb rhymes with?


It rhymes with anything that ends with ‘um’.

Oh, it rhymes with gum then right?

Yes. (secretly happy she didn’t hit upon any of the inappropriate ‘um’ words)

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what thumb it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh.


You are scaring the animals.

Those are not amimals.

Yes they are.

No, they cats.

Mama, how to dogs marry cats?

They don’t.

Then how do they get to be a mother?

Mama, why didn’t you born me first?

How was your day at school? 

Good.  I made a new friend.

What is their name?

I don’t remember.  It was a girl though so it wasn’t Steven.

What meat are we eating tonight mummy?  Is it sheep?

No, its cow.

What would it taste like if you ate human meat?  Can you eat human meat?

No, you cannot

Why?  Does it not taste good?  Would it make you sick?

No, its not allowed

Why can’t you eat your own human meat?  Would it make you die?  What would happen?

You would go to jail

Mummy, this boy on the bus he had real life glasses that he could see my insides with.  He really did, he saw my insides and he said I’m actually an owl on the inside.  I know its true because at night I am an owl.  I don’t actually sleep, I just pretend and actually I’m flying around because I’m nocturnal.

Mama, why do mandarins have orange juice in them?

The driver on the bus says “go home now, go home now”.

We need a disco ball in here.

Is this the August of this year?


Is it the August that starts with an A?


Oh, I thought it was the August that starts with an O

Isabel was trying to reach her drink while strapped into her car seat but she couldn’t and was asking Emily for help.  Emily says “use the force Isabel”.
Daddy, I would never kill the dog.

I was carving my rocks that I found at Papa’s and one of them had a light coming out of it and it scared me so I don’t want to carve them anymore.

Did you find a piece of flint?

I think so.

My music teacher can play the recorder with his nose.

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