Monday, October 15, 2012

Bachelorette Party – Part Two

The day before the bachelorette party I assembled all the items necessary to execute my devious plan.  I had the bag from Victoria’s Secret in which they had placed my purchases and I had an empty gift bag and tissue and my granny sack.  My plan was to do a swap so that the granny garment ended up in the Victoria’s Secret bag and vice versa.

I carefully unwrapped the lacy negligĂ©e in order to place it in the other gift bag which would have been totally uneventful had it not been for the flinging around of this negligĂ©e in the store when I was suspected of shoplifting (see part 1).  As I attempted to refold this lacy number I realized that one of the bows had come undone.  I took a closer look and realized that this particular bow was designed as a fastener which when unfastened (as it was at that time) created an opening for certain body parts to be ‘revealed’ (think Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction). 

After James explained this feature to me I tried unsuccessfully to retie the bow.  James eventually came to my rescue and tied a somewhat convincing bow all the while shaking his head at that fact that he had more well developed bow tying skills than me and also swearing me to secrecy on the fact that he had even touched this garment which was meant for someone else’s wife.  Its ok, he has since given me permission to say all this.

I got the gift rewrapped and placed into its new bag and then folded up the granny frock, wrapped it in the Victoria’s Secret tissue and placed it in the little bag.  I did worry at one point that it wouldn’t fit into the bag since they hadn’t needed to give me a very big one at Victoria’s Secret but it fitted perfectly although left no room for anything extra.

The next night I set off to the party with both bags.  I was the first to arrive and had the task of reserving a table.  I hoped that other guests would arrive before the guest of honour because I didn’t want her to see that I had two gift bags.  It all worked out perfectly though and she arrived none the wiser at the mischief that was afoot.

As we sat at the table waiting on our food we decided that it was time to open the presents.  Some of the others had thought it was a grand idea to have her open them at the restaurant since this would create the greatest amount of cheek flushing moments for her and I agreed wholeheartedly.

It just so happened that when we sat down I was positioned directly across from the bride and all the gift bags to piled up on the table next to me.  The first bag was selected and opened, oohed and aahed over and so it went until my bags were the last two left on the table.

Finally she selected my Victoria’s Secret bag.  She placed it in front of her with a twinkle in her eye.  She already knew that she would love anything that store had to offer.  She took out the card and read the message I had written.  She looked at me and thanked me as she reached into the bag to pull out the treasure that lay inside.

She grasped the garment which unfolded as she lifted it up.  The first thing that escaped her lips was a sound kind of like a gasp mixed with a small exclamation of surprise.  Then she said “ooh, its so pink … and long” as she raised it higher and higher. 

She did not put it down.  It became a kind of screen between us.  On the one side I was nearly at the point of peeing in my pants with laughter and she, on the other side, was trying to school her face into one showing an appropriate amount of gratefulness at my incredibly generous gift.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts and initial reactions that she didn’t hear the increasingly loud laughter coming from every other person at the table.  Only one other guest had known that there was mischief going to happen but she hadn’t known what the plan was.  She decided it was time to put the poor girl out of her misery and started to spread the word that it was a joke.  It took a few minutes for our guest of honour to get the message and it was only then that she was able to lower the garment and reveal her face to me.

She told me later that she had had so many thoughts racing through her head at the time some of them being “is this what Naomi finds sexy? Is this what they wear in New Zealand? What should I say?  I am so embarrassed. Where the heck did she find this in Victoria’s Secret?”

After the laughter had died away I presented her with the real present in the plain bag.  She opened it up and was thoroughly delighted.  It turned out to be the most saucy of all the presents of the night and the bottle of honey/oil was passed around for all to admire.

Of course a story like this could not go untold and I found that it was being repeated all over by the next day.  I even had to tell it to a much esteemed member of our church congregation who was more than delighted and wished she could have been there to witness the unfolding of this trick (she shall go unnamed but she knows who she is).  Between the two of us we were able to impress upon this soon to be bride that if we ever heard of her donning the prank gift we would personally come over there and take it from her with force.  We also expounded on the benefits of the honey/oil as opposed to real honey which could make an almighty mess.

All in all the prank went down with no hitches and worked beautifully.  It was only for a split second that I pitied the poor girl and I’m so glad I plucked up the courage to follow through on my plan. The granny garment didn’t go to waste either, the bride had a ‘mature’ aunt who was delighted to be its proud new owner.

1 comment:

  1. Just the best story!! I think the drama in the purchasing nearly overshadows the party part!! Your kids really do give you some great material. You ought to be writing books Nomes, you have a great way of storytelling.